Mindfulness: Not a Magic Wand, But Your Mental Health’s Best Friend

I need to clear up some misperceptions about how mindfulness makes breastfeeding easier (it makes LIFE easier but let’s start with breastfeeding). If you’ve been through postpartum at least once you might think it’s outrageous that anyone could meditate in those circumstances (sleep deprived, hormone crash, etc etc)so let’s start there. Being mindful doesn’t mean you and your perfect, napping newborn sit in a darkened room chanting in a haze of incense as you balance your baby and Tibetan singing bowl in universal bliss.

There’s this idea that mindfulness is about unicorns grazing in fields of tranquility while you and your baby just sail through breastfeeding challenges on a rainbow of positive vibes…if this is what parents think mindfulness is about then I can definitely see why it would seem ludicrous.

Let's face facts: Life can be hard. Mindfulness doesn’t mean no bad hair days, mastitis or spilt breastmilk. Mindfulness equips you with the superpower to deal with life's messiness with a little bit of grace, resilience and self-kindness.

How would mindfulness help with these postpartum issues? (sharing from a recent IG video)?

“It’s when you feel your breasts are empty and your baby is still crying at 2am. What about women with dysphoric milk ejection reflex, vasospasm and their babe hasn’t returned to birth weight yet? When the mother is feeding/pumping every 2 hours and their partner is back to work. And they have 2 other toddlers to look after during the day.

All of these scenarios above are no doubt very difficult and very stressful. Coping skills specifically mindfulness change the way we think about these events. We stop adding insult to injury when we are already hanging on by a thread. We stop blaming and shaming ourselves for our perceived inadequacies and instead turn on our self nurturing circuitry of the brain. These events are hard enough - but now our thoughts are keeping us in a state of unnecessary suffering. But we have a choice.

Mindfulness is not a panacea or silver bullet but can significantly change how we relate to those stressful thoughts and emotions. Not just for the D-MER, pumping, exhausted 2am feeding. There will be teething, potty training, school choices, illness, divorce, aging parents..death. Mindfulnesss practice doesn't prevent bad things from happening. It gives us tools to support our well-being while they are happening - it’s a life raft we need more and more during the storms of early parenting.

Mindfulness and Bad Days

Bad days will happen, no doubt about it. Mindfulness doesn't stop them happening. Instead, it's a nurturing companion when those gloomy clouds gather. With mindfulness, you learn to accept that not every day will be a picnic (and even picnics come with ants).

On your bad days, mindfulness lets you acknowledge your feelings without judgment. You don't fight those stormy emotions; you weather them. You understand that it's okay to have off days because you're only human, not a robot programmed for eternal happiness.

Mindfulness and Life's Curveballs

Having kids means life has a knack for throwing curveballs when you least expect it—illness, teething, worries about development, sleep issues. Mindfulness won't prevent these surprises, but it will help you navigate them with a level head.

As a parent making informed decisions is important, but when we are stressed or even just self-critical the part of the brain associated with making informed decisions is OFFLINE.

When the unexpected happens, mindfulness keeps you from spiraling into stress. You have the skill to stay present, focus on problem-solving, and avoid creating worst-case scenarios in your head. Plus, you're more likely to step back and see the bigger picture and remember your breastfeeding/parenting goals.

Mindfulness isn't a magic wand that makes breastfeeding and postpartum a doddle. It's something even better: a lifelong ally that helps you maintain your mental health and emotional balance regardless of what life serves up. With mindfulness, you face challenges with resilience, savor the good times, and stay grounded when things get chaotic.

So…the takeaway is - your mindfulness practice doesn't prevent bad things from happening. It gives parents tools to support their well-being while they are happening - it’s a life raft we need more and more during the storms of early parenting.